For most people, if they do not have a (human) child their pet is the equivalent; it is their baby whom they buy toys, goodies and clothes. For those who are childless and pet less, well it is a lot less common for us to be posting Facebook pictures of anything other than other people’s “kids” or our own reckless lives.
I have no human child, no cat, dog or fish. No, on the contrary I have Bean Butt.
Bean Butt is my small stuffed monkey friend who is a mere three years old. It was a cold Christmas evening about three years ago that Jared gave me the stuffed monkey (I already had one stuffed monkey at home named Cho Cho, Jared thought he needed a friend). I cannot recall if it was in a drunken stupor or just a case of the late night giggles, but I thought the fact that is monkey Jared had gotten me had beans in its butt, allowing it sit up straight was nothing short of hilarious. Moments later I told Jared that I was naming him “Bean Butt,” and well that has been his name ever since.
For about the first two years of Bean Butts baby monkey life he was simply a sleeping companion on cold nights alone. While Bean Butt is still the best cuddle buddy ever – he never says no – in the last year he had grown in to, well… a child’s roll.
Bean Butt comes into the living room with Jared and I to watch TV. He stays up late watching movies and loves to watch the ShayTards. For Christmas Jared got Bean Butt his very own banana (stuffed of course), so after two or so years of starving, the monkey can finally eat. We share our food with him, just like Margaret does her Cow and baby dolls (it’s just a lot less messy when we share with Bean Butt), and like proud parents post and text pictures of their “children” we do the same with Bean Butt.
Bean Butt is the completion to our little “family;” we take care of him like he was our own and that same sense of panic that comes over a new parent when their child falls takes us over when Bean Butt tumbles off the bed. We come up with stories about things he does; like the other night when I picked Bean Butt up off the ground in the midst of my sleep and turned to Jared only for him to tell me how rude it was that I threw Bean Butt on the floor. I explained to Jared that Bean Butt had just gotten thirsty and tired of waiting for Jared to bring a drink. So instead of waiting any longer, Bean Butt jumped out of the bed and tried to go upstairs to get a drink, but he just couldn’t make it.
Bean Butt dances, makes chimp sounds and on occasion talks a lot like Mickey Mouse (neither of us have any idea why that might be), he shares his banana, will do yoga in the morning and gets tucked in every night.
He is our little monkey and I wouldn’t have it any other way.