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The last few months have had their ups and their downs. I’ve gotten some great news and even more crummy news. I got to spend some great afternoons & evenings with my best friend and then watched her head off on her next chapter of life. I have regretted the things I didn’t do and in turn, made time for things that felt more important. I’ve gotten my hopes up, only to be crushed. I’ve cried, contemplated and decided that ultimately I was one step closer to where I wanted to be.

I am not sure what is next & am extremely unsure as to what I want. But, I am starting to think it might be better that way. Despite not being sure whats next, despite the disappointments & tear filled goodbyes, I think I’ve been pretty happy. I’ve come to realize that emotions are worth having, that it is okay to care about something enough that you cry (and possibly cry for a half hour or evenings on end). That distance & changes mean things won’t be exactly the same, but it also doesn’t mean they have to end. I’ve come to realize with each rejection that I am that much closer to the yes.

It’s been a lot of really embracing that everything happens for a reason

When I Grow Up

I wonder what I’ll be when I grow up
I wonder what I want to be
I should really know this by now, shouldn’t I have figured this out?

At 26 I don’t have a clue what I want to be
What I want to do

I’ve stepped into this grown up world
I work my 9-5
Own my house
I still feel lost, confused, unsure
I don’t know what I want and I sure don’t know whats next

I should really know by now
What it is I want to be when I grow up

Maybe it is okay
Maybe all of life is that journey
Maybe I’ll never know and maybe that’s how it is supposed to be

It’s possible that all of this
This angst, frustration
The fear, the excitement
It’s all part of the ride

I wonder at what point I’ll feel like a grown up
I wonder when I’ll know what I want to be when I grow up
At some point I might figure this out
.

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