Slowly it felt like everything was slipping away; like control was being lost, like she was loosing everything.
In August her best friend had left for a new adventure of her own. Off to try her hand at living outside of their “hometown.” Off to begin the next chapter with her little family.
The New Year meant more departures as one-by-one her other best friends also headed off. Weather to new jobs or new physical adventures, she quickly found her self alone and wondering if she should search for replacements.
April brought the good-bye that pushed the envelope, tested her strength and tore her down. In April she said good-bye to her little brother as he headed off for his next great adventure.
The departures and changes felt like the rug had been pulled out from beneath her feet. Her stable comfortable world felt dark, dreary and lonely. For her own selfish reasons, she wished everyone could stay.
Feeling abandoned, she smiled as she congratulated her friends, bragged about her brothers accomplishments and endlessly supported them doing what was best.
Car rides home at night became the enemy. The endless pinball of thoughts brought overwhelming sadness, the sadness brought tears, the tears brought frustration and ultimately she felt alone.
As her grasp on things felt like it was slipping through her fingers, she searched for a way to get the major life change she suddenly desired.
Change scared her.
As exciting as the prospect of moving to a new place, starting a new job and joining a new team was, the thought of leaving all she knew here made her stomach turn. Her commitment to people, friends and her team here held her at arms length from taking the leap.